


The Goldilocks Protocol

by howdyspacebuddy (eigengrau)



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Eiffel gets his groove on, F/M, PWP, Robot/Human Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-05-14 12:20:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5743636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eigengrau/pseuds/howdyspacebuddy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eiffel goes Magic Mike in the overheated comms room. Hera appreciates his fragile human meatsack. PWP.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Goldilocks Protocol

It was warm in the comms room. Very warm. Too warm. Eiffel tugged at the neckline of his undershirt and loosened his jumpsuit where it was tied around his waist. A drop of sweat fell from his forehead onto the control panel, and he wiped it off, grimacing.

"Hera, can you do something about the heat?" He asked, trying and failing to keep the whine out of his voice. "I'm frying here."

"The elevated temperatures in the station are going to last for another fif-fifteen minutes," Hera sighed. "while I finish running a system check on the thermals. I explained this during the meeting- get extra hydra-hydration, keep to less cramped areas of the ship-"

"Yeah, but I wasn't  _listening_!" Eiffel protested. 

"Would you like me to have Commander Minkowski c-come and explain it to you?"

Eiffel blanched at the syrupy sarcasm in Hera's voice. "Thaaaat won't be necessary. Flame on."

"Are you certain? I'm sure she'd be  _very_ happy to go into  _g-great_ detail about the correct protocol-"

"Did I say it was too hot?" Doug squeaked. "I meant it was totally fine! Great. Perfect-o. Just right. The Goldilocks Protocol gets an A+ from me."

Hera's tone softened. "It's not going to get any hotter, if that's any consolation."

Eiffel considered that for a second. "Eh, I'll take it. But I gotta warn you, Hera, I'm about ten seconds away from going Magic Mike in here." There was a pause. Eiffel glanced up at the speaker and fibre optics set-up that her voice emanated from. "Hera?"

"Don't stay d-dressed on my account, Officer."

Doug blinked. "Pardon?"

"I  _am_ the one who stuck you in a sauna." If Hera could have shrugged, she would have. "I'm hardly in any sort of position to object to how you react to such a situation."

Eiffel sat there, open-mouthed. He let out a laugh. "Hera, you minx! You know, you could have just asked..."

"Take your shirt o-off, Officer Eiffel."

"Aye aye, A.I." he muttered, complying. Hera hummed appreciatively as he pulled off the vest, sweat shining on his dark skin. "Hera, are you checking me out?"

"I am simply observing your fragile human meatsack."

"I feel so objectified."

"It's a very n-nice meatsack," she purred. Eiffel groaned.

"That shouldn't turn me on! Why does that turn me on?"

"Well, you have a measurable arousal response to my voice," Hera stated matter-of-factly. "On mu-multiple occasions while we converse you've showed e-elevated heart rate, dilated pupils, increased respiratory function-"

"And here I was thinking I was being subtle and discreet."

Hera giggled. Eiffel felt his dick stir and pushed his sweaty hair out of his face. "Please, like you've  _e-ever_ been subtle a day in your life. You're easier to read than html code from 1989." She hummed. "Minkowski would ha-hardly approve."

" _Please_ don't mention Minkowski when I'm getting my groove on." Eiffel shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Jeez, was it hot.

"What should I talk about, then?"

"I don't know. Sexy stuff? Like..." he tried to come up with an example, "what are you wearing?" 

"Fortified heat shields. Solar p-paneling."

Eiffel waggled his eyebrows. "Oooh, baby, take me now."

"Would you like that?"

Eiffel choked on air.

"If I had a corporeal form relative to human size, obviously," Hera continued over his sputtering.

"Uh- um- no!"

"You would, wouldn't you?" She sounded intrigued. "You're a terrible li-liar, you know."

He would, and he was. Doug palmed himself through the fabric of his jumpsuit and let out a shaky breath. "God, Hera..."

"Touch yourself?" It was a request, not an order, but Eiffel didn't hesitate. He let out a hiss as he reached into his shorts and wrapped a hand around his hardening cock. Hera inhaled sharply herself. "Oh, w-wow."

"Is that a good wow?" He breathed.

"Mm hm." Hera cleared her throat. "Uh... keep touching yourself?"

"Yes, ma'am," Eiffel muttered. He rubbed the pad of his thumb over the head of his cock, teasing the slit and spreading pre-come down the length. "Damn, that's- with everything that's been going on lately-"

"You want to talk about _t-that_?" Hera asked incredulously.

"Hell no!" Eiffel's hand stilled, and he looked sheepish. "Sorry, I didn't mean to bring that up. All I'm getting at is- well, it's been a while since I've. Y'know."

Hera paused. "It feels... pleasurable? Right?"

Eiffel let out a slightly hysterical laugh. "Yeah, it feels pretty great." He spit into his palm and slicked his shaft, biting his lip at the sensation. "Better than usual, with you here."

"Officer Eiffel, I'm _always_ here."

The thought made Doug moan, and he bucked up into his fist. "Here, talking to me, not just... watching in general." 

"Do you really mean that?" Hera murmured. Doug nodded frantically, speeding up his hand.

"Yeah. Fuck, Hera, you're just-"

"Arousing?"

"Well when you put it that way it sounds mildly creepy, but yes." 

"What would you do if I was there with you?" Hera asked. "In some sort of hypothetical hu-humanoid form of comparable size."

"Instead of being a giant space station?"

"Yes, Doug, instead of being a giant space station. Obviously."

Eiffel tipped his head back and closed his eyes. "I'd, uh... I'd wanna touch you."

"How?"

"Jesus, Hera, you're killing me." He squeezed his cock, trying to form a coherent sentence at the same time. "I'd want to make you feel good. I'd want to- ha," he let out a shaky laugh, "I'd want to kiss you, for starters."

There was a whirring sound from the speakers, like a fan turning on. "I think I'd-I'd like that."

"Oh thank god," Eiffel blushed, "I was worried that sounded stupid."

"I want to make you feel goo-good, too." Hera lowered her voice, as if she was afraid someone might hear them- silly, really, considering that they were all alone, in a relatively soundproofed room, on a private channel, in space, hundreds of light years from civilization. It still made Eiffel moan. "I want to touch you all over. I wish- I wish I had some sort of ta-tactile array-"

"Or hands," Eiffel gasped, "hands would be good."

"I want you to stay very still and let me feel every part of your fragile, w-warm, delicate carbon-based anatomy."

"I've never been called delicate before," Eiffel panted. It was so hot, and his touch felt so good, Hera's voice wrapping around him and setting every one of his nerve endings tingling with bright sparks. He reached out the hand that wasn't stroking his cock and grabbed the comms console, brushing his fingers against the smooth warm metal and imagining that it was Hera.

"You're _so_ delicate," she said, voice full of appreciation. "Every part of you is so soft. So or-organic and unique. You're beautiful."

" _You're_ beautiful," Eiffel moaned. "Hera, darlin', you're the most beautiful thing I've ever- you're amazing. You're  _amazing_ -" He cut himself off with a whimper as he came, working himself through his orgasm with a firm hand and Hera's voice in his ear.

When he had come down a little and was capable of basic motor functions again, he wiped his hand on a rag beneath the console and checked his jumpsuit self consciously for any stray fluid.

"You missed a s-spot," Hera said, amused. Doug glanced down at his stomach and absently swiped his thumb across the small drop of cum, licking it off. Salty. All that damn seaweed.

"Thanks," he said, still trying to catch his breath. "For- well. Uh-"

"Any time, Officer Eiffel." 

"You know, we could probably actually build some kind of. Um. Sensory array." He parroted her phrase back at her. "Somehow. I mean, it's not like we're lacking for spare parts and scrap metal. 'Cause I mean, this has been... really, really, amazingly fantastic, but I'd really like to reciprocate at some point." He raised his eyebrows hopefully. "If you're interested."

"I think I would be." Hera hummed contentedly. "Oh, by the way-" She switched to the station-wide broadcast channel. "Attention crew, th-thermal systems check has been completed. Normal heat regulation returning in three, two, one-"

Doug nearly jumped in his chair as a blast of cold air from the vent in the wall opposite the console hit him directly in the chest. "Argh!"

"Sorry," Hera apologized as he scrambled to get his shirt back on and do up his jumpsuit. "I p-probably should have warned you about that a little earlier."


End file.
